Getting my rear in gear or shall I say guts in check

So first comes first :Get your rear in gear: made me their face of blue for March 9th. I knew it was coming up since I talked to them back and forth for a few weeks prior. Anyway, here is the link. Not much is different from my intro to this blog with some added notes. http://www.getyourrearingearblog.com/featured-articles/faces-of-blue-vanessa-truog

I feel like reading that makes it sound easy. Like I got the bad stuff out and I am good to go. The hell is what you go through AFTER cancer. Cancer was the easy part! Bone tumors, polyps, more polyps, more tumors, more dysplasia, cysts, desmoids, bleeding guts, pouchitis, cdiff, you name it, pure hell.

I am still sick. I will be really shocked if my iron and blood is normal with an upcoming tests Friday at Cleveland Clinic. I bleed so much now and my pouch feels like it is battery acid. My stomach cramps are really bad. Shen thinks I have cdiff, I hope someone sees something because I am very sick and I am tired of doctors not helping me whenever I have an issue because everything “looks” normal. I am doubled over in pain, my valve twists and turns and it feels like acid is literally burning the inside of my guts. It smells like a small child died inside me and I have blood in my tube and running down my legs when I take a shit. I even have pools of blood and mucus in my stoma covers. OBVIOUSLY there is something wrong here.

In case it was cdiff I took some flagyl for a day then thought I can’t do this, I can’t mask what I have so this scope shows clean again so decided to not take any more. I refuse to leave Cleveland Clinic until I am diagnosed, fixed and don’t feel like the walking dead. I just hope it is nothing so severe they say my pouch has to go. I can’t imagine having another one made. I can’t afford the time off or do I have the mental stability to go through another 30 day hospital stay with 6 months to a year to get back on my feet.

Maybe I have cancer, but wouldn’t my blood work show that ? One would assume.

Also this time change shit. I bitch about it every year but this really needs to fucking stop. I am dead tired, I sleep maybe 4-5 hours  a night. It doesn’t help being sick. I doubt stupid politicians give a fuck that it wrecks lives.

I can’t work out. I tried to do a snatch in my living room thinking I can do the CF 13.1 open. Yea the bar almost fell on my head, no energy or strength. I did maybe 10 33 pound push presses and called it a day. My arms and body hurt everywhere. My spine feels like my intestines grew thousand of rose thorns and leeched onto my rib cage, lungs, kidney, spine and soft tissue.

2.5 more days of work then some magic in Cleveland hopefully happens. I don’t really count the days them selves since the road trip alone means I am almost there. It is so hard to work when life is this rough. But ya got to pay bills!

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