In the end we die with nothing

We are dying every day and we try to stop it like there is a way to. In the end we die with nothing.We can’t take people, we can’t take our cars our fortune and fame. There is no after life to see each other again.

What is the point of taking the colon out with FAP if you just have to keep monitoring other parts for cancer and polyps. It’s as if we are trying to stall dying even though we know it is around the corner. This is what bugs me and another reason I wish I kept my colon in. Why not just live the life to the fullest then die and become some spec on the planet? What are we really holding on to? How much torture do we have to go through to live another day?

The whole fighter mentality just never really applied to me. I ignore shit that is going on, I don’t believe in this “survivor” bullshit. I don’t identify with some stupid ribbon, the word survivor, or a color. All that shit can go shove it. I have a GI cancer disease and that is fucking life. Don’t sell me on some cancer ribbon, silly rubber wrist band or whatever else has become mainstream. You don’t know my disease just because you had breast cancer. My disease and your disease are not the same thing, it never will be. Yes it sucks for you but we, the FAPers are born with this, we grow things since day one if not sooner. We are the fucking people that have horrible DNA makeup. Nobody can relate to me unless you are me.

I am not sure if I should even bother taking Oxy-Q (50 bucks a month) since I refuse to go on Celebrex (sp) and develop heart disease. I take a rotation of antibiotics, and Ativan, Levsin, Bentyl. I am burned out on pills. They all make me tired but the hell I am in off them can’t compare.

This disease can shove it. I am done with it. I need to not stress about polyps, cancer and death. We are dying every day.

At least my IC flare is over. Yesterday’s scope triggered the worst I had in months.

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5 thoughts on “In the end we die with nothing

  1. Life isn’t about the dying, its about the struggle leading up to that. The struggle and suffering is what seperates us as humans. Some lay down and allow it to claim them, others fight. Which one are you?

  2. No we are truly dying every day since birth. just one day closer as you continue on your journey, when it happens, who knows. I don’t believe in this fighting crap. when you are tired you are tired. Everyone has their reasons for being done. I can never question anyone’s choice in living or dying since it is their body and their own personal hell. For me personally. I did what I did to extend a few years, who knows.. and regret it. Steve Jobbs was on to something I always say.

  3. Eh… I look at it this way, if I would have left my colon in, statistically I would have died by 30. Now with my colon out, statistically my odds of getting another FAP related cancer by the time I am 55 (or is it 50? I can’t remember) is 1 in 10. I hate statistics and I am not a gambler, that helps reaffirm my decision. So I get 20 more years if I say ‘see ya later’ to my colon? Oh hell yeah.

    Aren’t you only a few months out from surgery? All I can say from my personal experience, is that where I was months after surgery is incomparable to where I am today.

  4. If only we could fade away painlessly without all this upkeep- the trouble is- it’s fucking messy anyway you look at our lives.

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