What does it take to get a break around here?

I am going to start my blog off good for a change, then let is trail off into the bad since not a ton of good has been going on. It’s weird, in the beginning when I ate a meal I could feel it move over to my pouch from my stomach. Now I don’t really feel it anymore unless what I ate produced gas, then I can feel the rumble move just under abs over to the pouch, that always is a bit weird. Maybe I am just used to it now, who knows. The one way I still really feel it if I chase it with my usual glass of apple juice (grape like they recommend doesn’t work for my pouch), but that is awesome for me because with IC, my bladder can handle apple juice but the grape sends me into a flare from hell.

My poop still doesn’t really smell. Even when I eat eggs it is nothing like having a colon. I keep hearing it will get worse over time and it smells way worse than having a colon, so I am waiting, patiently. Maybe people with UC tend to have it smellier than us people with FAP? Just a thought. In case it does get real smelly over time, I learned from the lovely people on jpouch.org that the odor drops yo use for ostomy bags can be put in the toilet bowl. I have a box of Hollister travel size packets of this exact stuff since I thought I was having a jpouch with a 2 step procedure where I would have a tem ileostomy for a bit. So glad I didn’t throw them out! I experimented with it, my poop smelled just like coffee one day after drinking starbucks. Wasn’t a gross smell but still a smell, dropped a few drops in there like magic, no smell! So I suppose if I ever get stinky and want to be polite to the next person if at a house or gathering, etc. I will keep one with me.

Since I have lost so much weight (not complaining) but I just want to lose it slower so I don’t risk my pouch moving I started to eat ice cream, maybe half a pint after dinner. Well since I as a hardcore paleo eater I still don’t eat dairy ice cream. I usually get coconut milk ice cream but for a change I decided to try almond milk chocolate ice cream. Well plain almond milk to begin with will clean you out if you are ever constipated or want a runnier stool. This stuff was like liquid chocolate milk came out, made my pouch super happy! Coffee usually does that for me too but this was far better.

so last yesterday I followed up with my oncologist, clean bill of health colon cancer area since no more colon and no cancer penetrated the wall, hell most were cut away with clean margins prior but you never know what you are going to find until you take it out. So, this lovely RN at the Palms called me up, you are supposed to do a weekly check in with them so they know how you are doing, so she called me. Told her how I cry all the time and been down in the dumps, etc. Since I am a first timer, just had my colon out, had my diagnose just 2 months prior and went through such a HUGE surgery that it is normal to be depressed and some people just have more pain than others, perhaps try Cymbalta. Since Cymbalta treats depression and also is a pain blocker so I could try to get off the narcotics. So my oncologist wrote me a script Cymbalta and I popped a pill around 6:30. Now listen to me… No matter how bad you think you have it now, that DRUG IS EVIL!!!!! Nobody should be taking it.

My mother is the type who has been on ant depressents and lithium for awhile so when I told her what was going on with me that is when she said she never takes new antdepressents that are on the market, only oldschool drugs. Well fuck me this was a damn nightmare. I never took LSD but this is what I imagined it to feel like. My pupils blew up huge, I kept throwing up, my whole body had turned into a cold clamey mess with the metal taste in my mouth. My eyes felt like they were wigging out, going back and forth so fast I felt like someone put LSD in my eyes. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t drink. Just so sick I felt like I was dying. So around midnight I was past the dehydration mark of returning for someone without a colon, I had leg cramps from hell and just plain sick. So I went to the ER and got some meds. That experience was ok. The check in nurse was fascniated about my BCIR and my doctor that I had assigned to me knew about pouches, his BFF one has one, due to lupus, guess lupus ruined his colon. Always weird to hear the rare things about people’s colons going bad instead of the usual UC, FAP and Cancer. They gave me reglan and that drug maybe didn’t interact well with the ativan and zofran I took but I was so anxious, I wold get a sudden urge to move real fast, my legs or arms, and a weird sensation would travel up my body. So they came in with a big bag of fluids to hydrate me and some benadryl. Well I passed out at around 2:30 am the doctor and my husband were standing there and I said “What’s up?” I guess I didn’t realize I was O U T and they laughed so hard at me. haha. Went home and still feel the drug in me even with a 12 or is it 24 hour shelf life. Still feel like I have the shakes and no real appetite. Ate an english muffin since I had diarrhea too and want to slow that down.

What really hurts? The chunk of skin that came off with the bandaid they put on over the IV spot. Took the pink colored thing off earlier and part of my skin went with it. OUCH, fuck your paper cut if you have one, this trumps that!

So how bad I thought I had it, little fresh air and coffee with some narcotics on the side is all I need. I rather cry a lot that ever EVER go on some more drugs.


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