I pooped in a cup.



Yesterday I got my hair done since a friend got me a spa finder gift certificate and down to my last dollar with no way to work I thought,”Hey! I can use it to get my hair dyed.” The color I had was so ugly and faded and the gray, oh the gray. So I like it, makes me feel prettier in such a shitty time in life.

The whole trip was hard though and intubating at the spa was even WORSE! Jarrad got me a cappuccino at Starbucks and I decided I should drain my pouch while I peed for the whatever number it was that time of the hour. My pouch was so thick I couldn’t do anything about it. So thick I was trying to rinse it out in the sink there, shaking hands, nervous since the whole situation was stressful and I knew I had to drain the thing. So we finally left and I went next door to the grocery store. I thought I was going to faint and puke, I knew I had to drain my pouch. I thought I could make it home but that didn’t happen. The only thing that gets me super runny and able to keep my stool liquid is apple juice. So I drank some and in the car I had to get it out or I was going to be sick. So I intubated while my husband drove down 75, going home, into a starbucks cup that had some coffee left in it. What a mess! I couldn’t bend over enough to get it flowing so I took the catheter out and it dripped all over my crotch but at least I got some out! I made it home, finished then out my clothes in the wash.


I asked my husband if he was grossed out but he said “No, I was in the Infantry for 15 years, nothing grosses me out.” After I cried and felt like I hit an all time low. I thought that if I could master this and be more prepared this could come in handy! And some how people at my husband’s job when he told them, thought it was the coolest thing ever…


My pain level is still so high. I don’t get it. Most people aren’t in this much pain after. I just don’t get what is wrong. Maybe Monday I will hear from my doctor about a pain management doctor to go to. I don’t think anything is wrong, I just hurt everywhere in my abs and my stoma, valve area, pouch, hips, you name it.


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