Let me say no for a change

So 2.5 hours and I am done at my surgeons. He is so popular the wait times are ridiculous. First I got in the room and the nurse said to get undressed waist down and the doctor would be right in. I glanced over to this on the counter

and said “Um, no I am not doing that”. She answered with “Well, you had surgery right?” I said “Yes, but no I am not doing that and sat in the chair”. I am sure I healed just fine and my stitches dissolved I said to my husband. I hear the nurse tell my surgeon in the hall something whispered and then I heard him tell her “That is ok, I only need to talk to her”. I am saying no to things now. I don’t want to be probed, especially when all I do is things I DON’T want to do. I have my rights as a patient and I know them. If I had bleeding then sure I would perhaps think about the exam. Wasn’t happening though. 30 minutes pass and he comes in to go over this. In short, he still needs my full pathology from my lymph nodes to even think about it fully but so far he said if I was a guy we wouldn’t be having this conversation but since you are a girl, being a girl we have more to work with down there. If he can cut just below the incision where the cancerous polyp and tissue were removed then he could possibly do a jpouch. I would still be at risk for rectal cancer since some is left. He also needs to know what number my gene is, I believe I am at a 3-5 in the gene number so that isn’t a good sign to be in the beginning.

I told him I refuse to have an external bag.. I do not want that, this is my body and I need to make the decisions. So I said I would do the BCIR. He doesn’t like the internal reservoir bag and doesn’t promote it due to him thinking there are to many issues with it but yet many have none. He would pass me on to his colleague at his center that does them. Again, they need my full pathology to see if the jpouch is an option and it might not happen once they are in. I am not OK with any of this personally. I don’t get how there isn’t any clinical trials to do chemo and medicine to prevent polyps from growing back. I read people get treated for colon/rectal cancer without surgery. This all just doesn’t make sense and more research and money needs to be invested in colon cancer. FUCK CANCER!

This is how I REALLY feel though.

You know what is worse than colon cancer? Rectal cancer. Rectal cancer is FUCKING my life with these damn surgeries… Maybe if I just take my money and go to Australia until I die I will be happier. This doesn’t end with surgery. This is a non-stop fucking disease that grows brain tumors, bone tumors, desmoid tumors, more polyps, etc… I am over and it has only been 6 weeks since I got diagnosed give or take.

For a years now I would develop hot flashes after I eat. I just got done with dinner, nothing spicy but I had hot flash from hell. Is that colon related or early menopause at 35? Hard to tell since I haven’t had a period since 2006 after Novasure. Who the fuck knows. I will just tack that on to the chronic bladder pain and belly button pain that feels like someone is pulling it in until it rips off. Lets see how bad or worse I can be.

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