I am envy over the ones that can relax at the beach, or in a hamock or hell even on their couch looking out into the sea or tv with out a care in the world, able to doze off or smile and just be. I can’t do that anymore these days. I cringe if I have to sit or lay down, I clutch my fists when I am sitting at a desk chair at work while others are very comfortable looking. I try to hope I make it one more day in the pain I suffer from thinking tomorrow it will all go away and I will be back to normal. What I do know is I need to be at work, I need the interaction to make me feel some what normal to talk about normal every day things other than doctors, medical issues, my bladder that HATES me and wishes it can have tons of tea rushing through it and less Ambien traveling instead of a drug free sound sleep.
I want to take weekend get away trips. Instead I think of what therapy I can squeeze in to make things better like accupuncture, hydros (Even though controversial with IC) and a massage. I want to go back to chinese herbs and cupping. Sad thing is my crappy Tricare insurance doesn’t cover treatments like acu, cupping and massage unlike Blue Cross. I have to limit what I spend so I can save for my cell treatment. It’s a goal. Dial down on eating out, toll roads, etc.